Picture this: I’m sitting across from a guy named "Steve" at a local coffee shop. We met on one of those generic swiping apps, and his profile looked decent enough. But within three minutes of sitting down, Steve starts explaining—in excruciating detail—why his ex-girlfriend was "crazy" because she didn't support his dream of becoming a professional mime. I wish I was joking.
Then, he spent the next twenty minutes scrolling through memes on his phone, occasionally showing me one without explaining it. I went home that night, stared at my ceiling, and thought, "Is this it? Is this really the best we can do?" I was ready to throw my phone into the nearest river. But my best friend convinced me to give it one last shot on a different platform, suggesting I try feelflame.com because the crowd there seemed a bit more... present.
And honestly? The contrast was jarring, in the best way possible.
It made me realize that we’ve become so accustomed to "red flags"—the ghosting, the breadcrumbing, the guys like Steve—that we’ve forgotten what a "green flag" actually looks like. We’ve set the bar so low that "he replied within 24 hours" feels like a grand romantic gesture.
But it shouldn't be. After spending some time chatting with people who actually wanted to be there, I started noticing what it feels like when someone truly values your time and your presence. If you’re wondering if the person you’re talking to is actually serious about you, or if you’re just filler for their boredom, here are the green flags I started spotting once I switched my environment.
They actually read your profile. I know, this sounds basic. But think about how many "Hey" or "Sup" messages you get. When I started talking to Mark (a guy I met on the site), his first message wasn't a copy-paste job. He noticed a photo of me hiking in a specific national park and asked about the trail difficulty.
That’s a massive green flag. It shows they aren't just looking at your main photo and making a split-second decision. They are taking the time to learn a tiny bit about who you are before they even hit send. It’s a sign of respect.
The conversation flows two ways. We’ve all been in that interview dynamic. You ask a question, they answer. You ask another, they answer. It’s exhausting. You feel like you’re carrying a dead weight up a hill.
On Feelflame, I noticed the dynamic shifted. I’d ask about their weekend, and they’d tell me, but then—shockingly—they’d ask, "How was yours? Did you ever finish that book you mentioned?"
When someone values you, they are curious about you. They don't just want an audience for their own life; they want to be part of yours. If you’re staring at a chat screen and seeing a wall of grey text (yours) and tiny one-word blue bubbles (theirs), run. But if it looks like a tennis match—back and forth, equal effort—you’re in the right place.
They remember the small stuff. There is a specific kind of butterflies you get when a guy circles back to something you mentioned three days ago.
I remember mentioning in passing that I had a big presentation at work on a Thursday. When I woke up that Thursday morning, I had a message waiting for me: "Good luck with the presentation today, you're going to crush it."
I stopped in my tracks. It wasn't a generic "Good morning." It was specific. It showed he was listening, processing, and cared enough to follow up. That is the ultimate green flag. It means you aren't just a face on a screen to them; you're a real person with a real life, and they want to support that.
They want to move beyond the surface. Surface-level chat is fun for a day or two. But if you’ve been talking for a week and you still only know their favorite color and pizza topping, they aren't valuing you. They’re keeping you at arm’s length.
The shift I found was refreshing because people were willing to share real opinions. We talked about messy things, funny things, and embarrassing stories. When someone opens up to you, it’s a signal that they trust you with their vulnerability. And when they create a safe space for you to do the same, that’s when you know you’ve found something solid.
The "Bad Luck" doesn't have to last forever. I used to think I was just unlucky. I thought I was a magnet for the "Steves" of the world. But I realized that a lot of it has to do with where you’re looking. If you’re hanging out in places where low effort is the norm, that’s what you’re going to get.
Changing my environment changed my luck. It didn't happen overnight, and I still had to filter through some conversations, but the baseline was higher. I stopped feeling like I had to beg for attention and started feeling like the prize I actually am.
So, if you’re reading this and feeling burnt out, take a breath. You aren't broken, and dating isn't hopeless. You might just need to change the scenery. Look for the green flags. Look for the questions. Look for the people who make you feel seen, not just watched. They are out there, I promise.
